Bella In Jail
by AliciaCullen1901
Summary: Bella gets into trouble with the cops and who bails her out? The Cullen's of course! Why didn't Alice see this? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1

**I got this idea while watching Cops...Heh.**

**Bella**

"Hello?" answered a velvety smooth voice. My heart pounded faster as I heard his voice, but only because I really didn't want to talk to him like this.

I took a shaky breath. "Hey" I whispered into the receiver.

"Bella? Where are you love? Alice can't see you! Are you with the mutt?" He sounded angry, but worried.. That was not good.

Yes. I was with the mutt.

"Ummm. Yeah. I'm with...Jake...Umm." I stuttered. This was not going well and I'm on a time limit. "I have a problem" I stated.

"What is it? Did the dog do something to you?" He sounded even more angry but also confused.

"No, Edward. Jake didn't do anything...exactly.."I assured him. This was _so_ not going well! "Listen..I'm on a time limit."

"What do you mean by that Bella?" he asked. I don't think I should talk to him now. He might not take the news well.

"Can I speak to Emmett?" I blurted out. Yeah, he can help!

"Emmett? Baby, why do you need to talk to him?" he asked softly. Did he sound hurt that I didn't want to talk to him? Crazy vampire.

Then I thought, No, Emmett wouldn't let this slide easily. Rosalie would just laugh, even if she is my friend now. Alice would totally badger me and ask questions, then tell Edward. I'm too embarrassed to ask sweet mother Esme. Carlisle, I'm sure is at work. There was no way in hell I was going to call the Police Chief of Forks. My dad. That only left one decent person - or vampire in my case.

I cleared my throat. "Actually Edward, forget Emmett, can I speak to umm Jasper?"

"Jasper?Why Bella? Tell me what's going on" he demanded. I sighed. He would not want to know, nor was I telling him.

"Edward, It's complicated. Please just put Jasper on the phone?" I pleaded, because I'm such a wuss.

He sighed into the phone. "Okay, just a minute." I heard him calling Jasper then some soft words on the other line. I shifted from foot to foot. I did not want to call them. They always had to help me out. Unfortunately Jake's phone time was cut short.

"Hello?" Jasper's soft and calm voice drifted through the phone.

"Jasper?" I asked. There was a pause "Yeah, this is him. Bella? What's wrong?"

"Nothing" I replied quickly. "I just need your help. Your the only decent Cullen I could think of that wouldn't shove my problem in my face or laugh at me. Well..I would've called Carlisle, but he's busy and I don't want to bother him."

He laughed. "So you bother me, eh?" He asked.

I laughed shakily. "So..are you alone? I don't want anybody else to hear. It's...umm...embarrassing." Again I stuttered. I knew I could trust Jasper with this though. He's not one to judge and he'll listen before asking insane and asinine questions.

"Bella? I'm about one hundred feet from the house. No one will hear so tell me what's wrong. Your sorta of scaring me." Hopefully I won't chicken out.

"So...the thing is I -" I started until a loud voice interrupted.

"Hey little lady your times up" A man in a cop uniform said. He had a donut in his hand and was chewing pretty loudly. I panicked.

"Bella? What's going on?" Jasper demanded obviously hearing the voice. Still panicking here....

"I'm in trouble Jasper! Please don't tell the family! Just get me out!" I screamed into the phone as the big cop pulled me away by the waist. I knew Jasper could still hear me. He was screaming into the phone asking me what was wrong. "Don't tell anyone Jasper, just get me out please!"

"Little lady stop with ya screamin'" Then he picked up the phone "Sorry boy, calls over" He slammed it back on the wall receiver.

"NOOOO!" I screamed. The cop with the comb over looked at me like I was crazy. I _was_ crazy. But extremely pissed off to boot.

"Back to your cell" chubby said sternly.

Shit. I'm totally screwed here.

*******OO*******

**Jasper**

I was confused. Bella just called and asked me to get her out. But out of where? I didn't even know where she was. Maybe it was just a prank. I remember how her and Emmett were getting back at me for painting his precious hummer pink. That has to be it. But then who was on the other line with her?

I sighed. Bella was confusing. I decided I wasn't going to do anything. I knew it was a joke, but she did have me worried for a second there. She's a good prankster.

I made my way back to the house to find a pacing Edward on the front lawn. He turned to me. "Why did she call you? She didn't even want to talk to me." He demanded with a pout that only Bella found cute for some reason..

I sent him waves of calm. "Relax Edward, she was just playing a prank on me because I messed with Emmett's hummer a couple of days ago. Who knows why she would help him" I replied, shrugging my shoulders.

He pinched the bridge of his nose then stalked off into the house like the whipped SOB he is.

"Jasper I need your help, now!" My beautiful wife called to me. "Yes dear!" I replied while running to find Alice.

**Edward**

After worrying about Bella, Jasper came back and assured me it was just a prank she was doing on him.

I decided I would go see Bella. I haven't seen her for two days and I'm dying-no pun intended- to have her in my arms again. The family just got back from a hunting trip from Canada and I couldn't stop thinking about her the whole time. I needed to see her badly.

Jasper may think I'm whipped but at least Bella doesn't boss me around and force me to go shopping and try on clothes for her. Now he _is_ whipped.

I pulled up to Bella's house and noticed the cruiser in the driveway. I got out of my Volvo and made my way up the steps. If Charlie is here then surely he'd let me visit for awhile until it was time for me to 'go home' or as Charlie puts it in his mind 'get the hell out and never come back or see my little girl again. I have a gun.'

I knocked on the door twice and heard a grunt in the living room. Slow and heavy steps made it to the door. Charlie opened it and looked at me with a blank face that turned into a glare.

"What" he snapped.

"Hello, Mr. Swan, is Bella here?" I asked, unaffected by his tone or the glare he was sending me. I could never be scared of him.

He smiled then. "She's with Jacob." He said smugly.

My smile fell. "Oh.." That hurt pretty bad. I was sure she would want to see me as soon as I got home. I told her the family would be home today.

He smiled wider. "Yeah, even spent the night with him. Went to the movies too. I'm pretty sure they went out to eat also."

Add salt to the wound Chief.

I smiled at him. "Okay. Thank you." I turned to walk away but not before I heard his thoughts.

_So he doesn't care that his girlfriend is currently with another man? Guess he doesn't really care that much then...Jake's a good boy. Way better then that Cullen kid._

If he thinks Jacob is such a good boy then why doesn't he give him a freakin' bone or a chew toy? I thought bitterly.

I was hurt that she didn't want to see me. Although she did call, but she didn't even welcome me back or said that she loved me. She didn't even want to talk to me. She wanted to talk to _Jasper. _The worse part is that she's with the mutt.

I sighed while getting in the car. She'll come see me when she comes back from La Push.

*******OO*******

**Bella**

"Hey sweetie pie, ever been with an older man?" This chubby, greasy, biker dude asked. I didn't answer him. I wouldn't be able to control my eyes from looking at his hairy mole on his chin.

I heard Jake growl. I glowered at the wall.

See, currently my 'friend' and I are in jail. It's a long story. Obviously Jasper isn't going to help me. The bastard.

I don't have another free call until tomorrow and neither does Jake. He tried calling Billy but according to Jake, Billy said it was hilarious and told him not to become anybody's bitch. Billy is like a second dad to me. Okay a third dad. Carlisle is my second. I know Carlisle would never say anything like that, not even to Jacob.

I huffed at Jacob. "This is all of your fault Jacob Black." I declared, pointing my finger at him.

He looked shock, I knew it was fake. "Why Bella, whatever do you mean?" He asked putting his hand over his mouth in fake shock. I rolled my eyes.

"You know why! If you weren't so freakin' strong I would punch you right now" I glared.

He smirks. "Okay Bells, we both got ourself into this mess"

My shoulders slumped in defeat. "This sitting arrangement is so uncomfortable." I complained while moving around on the crappy, cold bench.

"Sit on my lap." Jacob simply said. I thought about it and these seats _were_ so uncomfortable.

I shook my head no. I wouldn't do that to Edward.

"You could sit on my lap sweet cheeks" the creepy guy across the cell told me then winked while patting his lap. I shuddered, horrified then scrambled my way to Jake's lap.

He was warm and I was tired. "I'm going to sleep, make sure we don't get molested by Creeper over there." I muttered for only Jake to hear. I felt his body shake with laughter and I felt him nod. He started rubbing my back in a soothing motion and I soon fell asleep.

*******OO*******

**Third Person or Vampire...**

The Cullen's were getting worried by the minute because Bella had yet to show up. Charlie assured them that she was just with Jacob. The Cullen's didn't feel anymore at ease with the news.

Alice was on end just as much as Edward. She couldn't even see Bella in her visions because she was with the mutt. Even Emmett had a bad feeling something was wrong with his sister.

"Maybe she's in jail" Emmett suggested. Alice shook her head "Bella wouldn't do anything to make her go to jail"

Boy, how wrong they were.

*******OO*******

**Bella**

_Ring Ring_

Come on pick up! Pick up!

It's my turn on the phone again. I've been in this hell hole for two days now. Jacob screwed up his phone time again by calling Billy. He couldn't even think about calling Sam? Or Paul? Or somebody on the Rez?! The dip sh-

"Hello? Bella?" a frantic Edward answered. Damn. Why couldn't Carlisle pick up the house phone? I knew for a fact he doesn't work on Saturday's.

"Hello" I murmured into the phone.

I could hear voices over the phone. He was with his family, I'm sure.

"Bella? I have you on speaker phone. Please tell us what's going on"

Speaker phone!? Oh god no! This is so humiliating.

I took a deep breath before speaking. "Hey..everyone" I gulped loudly. I'm sure they could've heard. "I just wanted to say that..Umm..I sorta kinda got into trouble and stuff...?"

Silence.

"Bella, we're not quite following." This time it was Emmett's voice.

"Well..Let me put it like this....Jacob-" I started, only to get interrupted again.

"What happened!" Everyone yelled. I acted like I didn't hear.

"Jacob..and I..Well when you went erm..camping, we decided to go to this place..." This wasn't going well.

"Yes, Bella...What place?" Alice asked. She was totally clueless considering her visions were blocked. Heh. That was actually a plus for me.

"I'm just gonna say it was this place, okay?"

I heard everyone sigh, but no one said anything, for which I was grateful.

"Okay, so...me and Jake..Jake and I...Jacob tried calling his dad but he laughed and told him not to become anybody's bitch." I blurted out quickly. Oh shit.

Recover quickly!

"Oh, hah, don't comment on that."

Silence.

"I'm not following!" I heard Emmett yell into the phone. I was getting really frustrated now and my time limit was almost up.

I took a deep breath to encourage myself. I can do this!

"I'm..uh..at this place..Okay?" I prayed they would catch on.

"So you were at this place with the mutt-sorry _Jacob_- and you both got into trouble?" Edward offered carefully.

"Some-Something like that yeah."

SCREW IT!

"Okay listen here. I'm in jail okay? Jail! I don't wanna be here! There's this creepy biker guy who keeps winking at me and calling me sugar lips, asking me to sit on his lap! The cop with the donut keeps giving me sly glances, and I can't stand Jacob right now! Please just get me out!" I cried into the phone. I couldn't take it anymore.

"YOUR IN JAIL!" An angry Edward yelled. At least he knows now...

"Yeah." I muttered. There were angry shouts over the phone and some strong curses. I will not repeat them. If I listened carefully I could hear Emmett laughing. Bastard.

"Where are you I'm coming to get you now" Edward asked. "Erm..I'm in Seattle."

He huffed, clearly he wants to go off on me. Listen buddy I'm not in the mood at the moment.

"It's okay baby, I'll be there as soon as I can okay?" He said soothingly. At least I knew he wasn't mad at me...Jacob maybe.

I nodded my head, then realized he can't see me. "Yeah okay." Then I hung up.

Heck ya! I was doing a mental happy dance as I was being back into my cell with Jacob. I didn't even care if Creepy McCreepy was looking at me all weird.

I plopped down next to Jake. "We're getting out!" I squealed. He just looked at me.

"Do you really think the bloodsucker is gonna let me out?" he deadpanned. I shrugged, not really caring right now. This whole mess was his fault anyway.

"To be honest Jakey I really don't care. This was all your fault" I said, totally honest.

He just glared at me. I laughed.

*******OO*******

**Edward**

I made my way to Seattle quickly, pretty much speeding, but I didn't care. I wanted to see Bella. She didn't need to be in jail. I already knew it was the mutts fault. I'll kill him!

I sped into the parking lot, my car coming to a screeching halt. Everyone looked up as I pushed open the revolving door. I marched up to the receptionist.

"I'm here for Isabella Swan." I informed her.

"Y-yes. Of course" she stuttered. She handed me a release form- I didn't bother to act human, filling out the form in under a minute, sliding it across the counter along with the $150 necessary for Bella's bail.

"She'll be right out." she assured me. I suddenly heard two sets of footsteps- one burly, loud, the other softer- Bella.

She came around the corner with a guard. I was relieved to see that she didn't look hurt, just a bit tired. Her hair looked like it hadn't been combed in days, but she was still so beautiful.

The officer uncuffed her. She turned to him, he gave her a pitying smile.

"Now, I don't wanna hear about you getting into any more trouble, ya' hear?" he said seriously.

She smiled half-heartedly and nodded before walking over to me, eyes downcast.

"Let's go." she muttered, passing me. She pushed the door open roughly, very uncharacteristically not bothering to hold it open for me. I opened the passengers side door for her, trying to kiss her cheek as she slid in; she blew me off completely, sliding into her seat without so much as a glance at me.

I shut the door, feeling dejected as I walked around to my side. I glanced at her from the corner of my eye- her face looked guilty, but also relieved, because she was out of jail.

She was silent as I drove surprisingly slow, crossing and uncrossing her legs- waiting for me to question her. _We'll get to that. _I reminded myself.

My family wasn't home as I got there. I decided not to take Bella to her house, in case Charlie was home.

I drew her a bath while she waited on my couch. She smelled of the mutt and dirt and _alcohol? _Oh, she's gonna talk.

"Bella, you can take a bath now, I hope it's the right temperature." I told her walking into the bedroom. She nodded her head, still not looking at me, and made her way to take her bath.

I sighed as I heard her in the bathroom. What was I going to do with her? Obviously she feels incredibly guilty for what she did. Does she think I'm mad at her?

I heard my family coming into the front door so I made my way downstairs to see them sitting in the living room with the television on.

"Alice said we should leave for awhile so we did. She also said Bella will come down in awhile and to leave her be until she talks to us." Carlisle informed me from his spot next to Esme on the love seat. I nodded and sat on one of the other love seats. I was willing to wait, but I'm not really a patient person.

**Bella**

I slowly made my way down the three stories of stairs in the Cullen mansion. I was wasting as much time as possible, I even took at least a half an hour bath. It was fabulous.

I stopped just before I entered the living room. It was silent except I could hear the television on. I took a deep breath.

Time for interrogation.

I made my way over to Edward on one of the love seats. I really didn't know if he was mad at me or not so I sat close to the arm. I guess he wasn't having that because he pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arm around me. I sighed in content, until I remembered I had to speak.

I looked around the room, and I noticed that the television was turned off.

It was eerily silent. I bet they could hear my heart beating though.

"What..do you wanna know?" I asked them. Maybe I wouldn't have to say much. They all looked at Edward.

"Everything, Bella" Edward said sternly. I nodded. Here we go..

**I'm half way done with the next chapter. I think it's just a two-shot. I thought it was pretty funny. **

**Review and tell me if you think it's a pathetic attempt at humor or if you want me to continue.**

**AliciaCullen1901**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm so sorry for not posting. I went to the fair and was incredibly tired. I think you can tell that Bella is talking in third person (I found it better that way) The non italic(?) is the present. I had no idea why I wrote like this, but I did.**

_Well it all started on a bright, and sunny day. Bella Swan was extremely bored without her sparkling, loving, bronze-haired vampire boyfriend-okay fiancée-sorry. Anyways, she wanted to do something productive with her day and she realized doing the laundry wasn't what she had in mind as 'productive'._

_She had an idea. Something so awesome it was just-awesome. She decided to go to La Push to see her best friend -sorry Alice-second best friend Jacob Black._

"Edward, stop growling"

_She finished doing the laundry then took a quick shower. After that, she headed outside and hopped in her beat up, red, pickup truck. She loved her truck. There was so many memories. It was a gift from Charlie, her dad. He means well. She was absolutely-_

"Bella your going off topic here. Stop."

"Sorry..Jeez."

_As soon as Bella pulled up to La Push she was greeted by her favorite werewolf, Jacob. Good kid, he is._

_Her and Jacob just sat in his garage for awhile. She watched him do some stuff to a car. He said he was 'fixing it'. Bella doubted it. As far as she could tell, it would never leave the garage unless Rosalie had her hands on it._

"Thanks, Bella. But I would never touch something that mutttouched."

Sigh

"Never thought you would Rose."

_Suddenly Jacob had a wonderful thought. Little did they know it wasn't so wonderful. What an idiot._

"_We should go to Seattle and do stuff" Jacob had suggested._

"_Yeah, like what?" Bella was only mildly interested, but if it got her out of the garage that smelled like wet dog then she would gladly agree._

"Yeah yeah. Go ahead and laugh it up. But it did smell like wet dog."

"_Well, how about a bar or something?" He said._

"_What? Jake, you do realize we're underage. Especially you. Duh" Bella explained carefully to him as though he was a little kid._

_He shrugged. "Come on Bells, lets at least try. It will be fun! Plus your bloodsucker's sister won't be able to see what your doing right?"_

_Bella sighed. She knew Alice wouldn't see anything that happened. Bella bet that Alice was also too preoccupied with hunting to even stop and check to see if Bella still had a clear future._

_With that piece of information Bella nodded her head enthusiastically. Jacob laughed._

_Together they headed out to Jacob's rabbit and hopped in._

_Seattle here they come!_

"So you went to Seattle to go to a bar because you knew Alice wouldn't see any of that and alert me?" Edward asked me with a raised eyebrow.

Alert me? What, does he need to know where I go all the time? I guess if I wanted to know where he was all the time, then he should too...

I nodded, quite not meeting his gaze. Yeah I was guilty. I mean I did have a good time until we were put into jail anyways.

So I continued.

_When Bella and Jacob finally reached Seattle, they had no clue what to do. Basically they just wasted a bunch of gas because idiot Jacob didn't know exactly what to do once they got there._

_Bella suggested just going out to eat. Jacob was all for that, considering they hadn't eaten all day._

"_Lets go to a strip club!" Jacob said suddenly after they finished eating at the restaurant. Bella looked at him like he was an idiot._

"_Your an idiot" She said simply. "Do you not know that strip clubs are for _adults?_ Meaning we can't get in"_

_Jacob scoffed, "I'm not an idiot, I'm just trying to figure out what we can do. There's gotta be some kind of bar that will let us in."_

_He started walking down the sidewalk. Bella noticed that he was sniffing the air._

"_What the hell are you doing?" She asked, walking up to him._

"_Sniffing the air duh, that way I can smell out where the booze is and we can go to the bar." He said in a obvious tone._

_Bella was going to respond to his stupid idea until Jacob grabbed her hand and dragged her across the street. Thankfully there was barely any cars out so they wouldn't get hit._

_Bella thought it would never happen, but here she is, sitting at a bar drinking something called a 'Slippery Nipple'. The name freaked her out but the drink was awesome!_

_She didn't understand how she actually got into the club. Jacob had got to a bar at the corner of the street and there was a bouncer there. Jake asked if they could get in and was denied._

_Jacob was a little angry, so he turned to Bella and shoved her to the bouncer. He asked if they could get in again. The bouncer looked Bella up and down making her cringe away from him and nodded, letting them in._

_Aside from the bartender who kept giving her flirtatious looks and the creepy guy with the greasy mullet a couple seats over, Bella was having a good time. She liked her drink and was amused at Jacob's poor attempts at karaoke. White Snake's, Here I go again, and Jacob did not mix well._

"YOU WERE DRINKING!?" Edward yelled from beside me making me grimace. I nodded my head. He got up and started pacing the room. "I'm going to kill that mutt!" he said, along with some other colorful words that I had no idea he knew (considering how much of a prude he is.)

"Slip-pery Ni-pple!!" Emmett guffawed loudly rolling on the carpet. Apparently this is amusing. I fail to see it.

I groaned. "I'm done talking about this! It's so embarrassing and I just want to forget."

Edward stopped pacing and glared at Emmett, then turned to me, sighing. "Oh no, I think you should continue, we still don't know _how _you got into jail in the first place."

_Jacob just finished another round of karaoke and bowed to the crowd (it wasn't much of a crowd). The only person actually cheering was Bella and the prostitute in the corner of the bar._

_He was absolutely tone deaf._

_But, being the good friend she is, Bella cheered her heart out for Jacob (The only reason Bella was cheering was because the prostitute was). Don't ask why. Please._

_Bella still had a handle on who and where she was, meaning she wasn't drunk. Jacob on the other hand was a different story. Bella decided it was time to stop drinking her Slippery Nipple-Shut up Emmett-to keep an eye on Jacob._

_Jacob somehow made his way over to Bella and plopped down on the stool next to her._

"_I gotta avoid that prostitute, she keep lookin' at meh funny" Jacob's words were slightly slurred._

"_Maybe we should go home now, it's getting late and your really drunk." Bella suggested, taking in Jacobs appearance. He was sweating bullets and his shirt was drenched in his sweat, forming over his muscles._

_Jacob nodded and got up from his stool a little shakily. Bella sighed, "Please try to not pass out, your to big to carry."_

_Jacob chuckled, "Don' worry 'bou meh suga"_

_Bella chose not to reply._

_After they left the bar-they avoided the mullet guy and prostitute with success-they started walking down the sidewalk silently, that is until Jacob started singing._

_**If you leave, don't leave now  
Please don't take my heart away  
Promise me, just one more night  
Then we'll go our separate ways  
**_

_Keep in mind that Bella and Jacob are in public and both drunk. Jacob decided that he doesn't have to be quiet._

_**We've always had time on our sides  
Now it's fading fast  
Every second, every moment  
We've got to, We've got to make it last **_

_He turned to Bella and started singing to her. She blushed and looked away, obviously embarrassed. _

_**If you leave (ohwoah)  
If you leave (ohwoah)  
If you leave (ohwoah)  
Don't look back  
Don't look back**_

"_Hey! You kids, stop!" A gruff voice yelled. Jacob stopped singing and turned to the voice._

_There walking briskly to them was a cop. He had a donut in his hand and was a little pudgy. He had a mustache that clearly looked fake. He stopped in front of Bella and Jacob._

"_You kids drunk??" He asked. Bella and Jacob shared a nervous glance at each other._

"_Just a little bit officer, nothing major." Bella replied shakily, trying to look innocent._

_He looked her up and down. Seriously people needed to stop doing that!_

_Jacob kept making popping noises with his mouth and clicking his feet on the concrete. He was looking anywhere but the officer. He clearly was over doing the innocent act._

_The cop raised his eyebrow at him, "I think I should take you both in for public intoxication"_

_Bella was shocked. She wasn't even doing anything to cause attention to herself. The only reason she was going was because Jacob was singing in his crappy voice._

_Really, he should be going to jail not for being drunk, but for his shitty singing._

"_YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" Jacob shouted. Eventhough he was already in the back of the police car._

_Bella rolled her eyes "Will you just shut the hell up! This is all your fault! Plus they already got us!" she hissed at him. _

_Jacob slumped back in his seat. "Totally not mah fault. Maybe we're both just going to jail for being too god damn sexy. Ya know we make a hot couple. LIKE BRAD AND ANGELINA!" he squealed._

_Squealed? O-kay..._

_Bella rolled her eyes."Just shut up before we get into anymore trouble."_

_As soon as they got to the station and did the fingerprinting and whatever the hell else they do there, they were led to their cell._

_They were practically shoved into the cell. They both sat down on the bench and crossed their arms, glaring at each other. _

_Someone cleared their throat, causing them to stop their glaring contest and look at the source. What they saw, is not pretty at all._

"_Hey little lady"_

"So that's what happened. I'm really sorry for drinking, but I just want to forget it please." I pleaded with my future family.

Everyone was pretty much laughing except for Carlisle and Esme. I just think they were trying not to laugh. Emmett was pretty much rolling on the floor clutching his sides. Jasper wasn't on the floor but was laughing just as much. Rose and Alice were just giggling like little school girls.

Suddenly I was sitting on Edward's big bed with him next to me. He didn't look mad and his eyes held amusement. I still don't know why everyone found this so funny.

"Bella, love, I'm not mad at you, the important thing is that your okay" He smiled at me.

I smiled back, leaning into his side. He gave me a kiss on the head. "I'm sorry, really."

He chuckled, making the bed shake.

"I still don't see why everyone thinks it's so funny." I sighed.

He laughed harder. "Bella, think very hard. You do realize your the only one that actually got bailed out of jail"

Ohh.

"So that's why your laughing? Because Jacob is still stuck in the cell with the smelly guy?" I giggled "Poor Jacob...naw he totally deserves having time for his inability to sing."

Edward looked down at me, giving me a long tender kiss on the lips. "I love you Bella," He sighed.

I smiled. "I love you too."

**Jacob**

I can't believe Bella didn't beg the leech to release me too. I thought Bella and I were friends. I can't even call Billy, he just laughed at me! My father! I couldn't call Charlie because, well hell, he's the chief. He would never let me hang around Bella again.

I tried calling Bella, but she never answered. Obviously she saw the number. If she wasn't so hot, and I didn't love her, I would totally disown her as a friend.

"Hey hunk, ever been with an older woman?"

Oh dear lord help me!

_**Jacob got out of jail about a week later. **_

_**Billy was sick of him calling everyday, and decided to take pity on him.**_

_**Jacob and Bella are still friends.**_

_**Jacob will live the rest of his life with the pack torturing him for his crappy singing skills.**_

_**Apparently, that night at the bar, Jacob sang a Madonna song.**_

**Lol. I'm so sorry I didn't get this out sooner. I went to the Fair and was tired. I said that I think? Umm. I loved the Comedy Hypnosis! It was awesome and totally funny! The Hypnotist's name was Tyzen. I bought a copy of the show on DVD and he signed it! **

**Tell me what you think! Review!**

**AliciaCullen1901**


	3. Jacob In Jail

**I decided to give you a little of when Jacob was stuck in the slammer for a week. I hope you enjoy. **

**You have no idea how good it made me feel to get reviews from you people telling me that you liked it and how you laughed. **

**Warning:This isn't for Jacob lovers, unless you wanna see him totally embarrassed and bitchy and being hit on by older women and what not. This is Jacob's week in Jail. It's 5 days Enjoy!**

**Jacob In Jail**

**Jacob**

I can't believe Bella didn't beg the leech to release me too. I thought Bella and I were friends. I can't even call Billy, he just laughed at me! My father! I couldn't call Charlie because, well hell, he's the chief. He would never let me hang around Bella again.

I tried calling Bella, but she never answered. Obviously she saw the number. If she wasn't so hot, and I didn't love her, I would totally disown her as a friend.

"Hey hunk, ever been with an older woman?"

Oh dear lord help me!

**O0O0O0O**

**DAY ONE!**

And I thought the creepy guy with the mole was bad.

Nothing was worse than the 50 year old prostitute that keeps licking her lips and winking at me.

I can see lipstick on her crooked, yellow teeth.

Oh man.

"You know you want me, Pretty Boy,"

That's what you think, granny.

**O0O0O0O**

**DAY TWO!!**

Tried calling Billy.

Asked me if I was any body's bitch.

He needs to layoff the Comedy Central.

I'm just glad he didn't tell Charlie where I was.

I'm sure if he did though, Charlie would get me out.

Though I would never see Bella.

But shit, I wanna get the hell outa here.

Thank god granny isn't looking at me.

She told me her name was Patty.

She's sleeping.

And drooling?

Eww. Just Eww.

**O0O0O0O**

**DAY THREE!!!**

Tried calling Bella.

Again.

No answer.

The worst part is I'm freakin' hungry and all I get is something that resembles a sandwhich.

Not sure if that's even what it is.

And here the fat lard cops are flaunting their Dunkin' Donuts and coffee.

Mother Fuc-

"Timer to eat your _sandwhich_," Tubby told me, handing me what is definitely not a sandwhich.

It smells like tuna.

**O0O0O0O**

**DAY FOUR!!!!**

I decided to just chill out today.

I'm obviously stuck here for the time being.

I tried counting sheep to fall asleep and not think.

How the hell do you not think when trying to count sheep?

I need to think to count sheep.

Otherwise I would lose my place of how many sheep I counted.

**O0O0O**

Patty isn't that bad once you get to know her.

We played I spy for awhile.

That didn't work.

She's partially blind.

We tried playing Rock, Paper, Scissors.

That didn't work.

Her left hand is missing a pointer finger, Her right hand is missing a middle finger.

Somehow when we played she would still always win.

**O0O0O0O**

**DAY FIVE!!!!!**

I'm finally getting out today.

Billy decided to wheel his crippled ass over here.

I have no idea how he got here.

But I'm getting out!

I'm totally doing a mental happy dance right now.

**O0O0O**

I just realized I was doing the happy dance in reality.

Billy thinks I'm mental now from hanging out with Patty.

I'm gonna miss her.

"Call me sugar plum Jakey," she winked at me, smiling her smile that has no teeth, and waving her hand at me, well what's left of it anyway.

Maybe I won't miss her as much as I thought...

_**Jacob got out of jail about a week later. **_

_**Billy was sick of him calling everyday, and decided to take pity on him.**_

_**Jacob and Bella are still friends.**_

_**Jacob will live the rest of his life with the pack torturing him for his crappy singing skills.**_

_**Apparently, that night at the bar, Jacob sang a Madonna song.**_

**THE END**

**Review or else Patty will give you a big sloppy kiss on the cheek.**

**No one wants that.**


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